Hold On To Me Tight
by polkadotshorts
Summary: Annie Cresta kept her promise to Finnick Odair, so why did he not keep his? He promised to come home to her and he never did.


She could still remember the first time it happened.

The first time she had felt her heart swell and her stomach twist, and every nerve in her body had sparked as her skin touched his. It was the night before her games. As her mentor, he would be off furiously battling for sponsors in a few moments, and once he was gone she knew she wouldn't see him again. How could she? How could little Annie Cresta win the Hunger Games? He looked just as nervous as she did… but then again, he was always better at hiding it than her. Mags was wishing the little boy well, as they stood awkwardly facing each other. **"You'll be fine. Just stay focussed, don't let anyone get one up on you."** She could hear the slight edge to his voice and despite the whole situation a small smile flickered against her lips. She reached towards him and grabbed his hand in hers.

That was when everything changed.

It was like everyone else in the room had vanished and for that split second it was just the two of them. No one else mattered. His hand was far larger than hers, his skin rougher than her soft flesh but their hands seemed to fit perfectly. Her fingers slid between his, and she could feel her hold on his hand returned. It was there that she realised, without a doubt that she loved him with her whole heart.

She didn't know when it had happened, perhaps when she'd first stepped on the train and spotted him or maybe when he'd helped her off the train when they were in the Capitol. It could have been any of the times they'd bumped into each other over the past week or so, or during one of their many conversations during dinner. Perhaps it had even been during one of their conversations when they were aimlessly wandering around. She'd told him everything about her life, every dream she'd ever had and every aspiration that had meant something to her. Annie had told him all of the funny stories about her and her brother but she'd also told him about all of the fights that she regretted. She'd told him every single thing about her that made her… well, her. Right now he was the only person in the world who knew everything about her.

"**Thank you."** It was simple, and it seemed pathetic compared to the amount that she owed him. **"I couldn't have done any of this without you."** Her grip on his hand tightened slightly, as she found her own sea-green eyes locked against his. Silence fell between them for a moment and they were left just staring at each other and for some reason, that said far more than words ever could.

He raised her hand slightly, causing her to take a step towards him. His gaze was intense, focussed and there was a hint of something else that she couldn't quite place. **"Promise me you'll try, Annie. No matter what - Don't you give up."** She hesitated. Could she promise that? Could she really promise that once she was in the arena that it wouldn't be too much for her? That it wouldn't completely overpower her? It was only when her eyes flickered down to their hands that she realised that… Yes, she could promise. She could promise because she would do anything to get back to him.

"**I promise."**

And she had.

She had won and she had kept her promise.

So why had he not kept his?

Why had Finnick Odair left her here by herself?

"**Say **_**something**_**… Please?" **They were standing perhaps a foot apart, her eyes wide and glassed over with unshed tears. He looked pained, unsure of what to do. Did he hold her? Tell her things were going to be okay? Or did he wait for her to come to him? **"It's **_**dangerous**_**, Finnick."** Her voice was shaky and you could practically hear the strain it took to keep it from breaking. Her arms were wrapped around her thin frame as she tried to stop herself from shaking. Whether it was from fear or devastation she couldn't quite work it out. **"There's a group of us Annie, it's not like I'm going to be doing anything single handed."** Was he supposed to be making her feel better? The idea of him being anywhere other than by her side when this horrible war was going on made her sick to the stomach with fright.

"**Please Finnick… Please don't. Just stay here, with me." **She took a hesitant step towards him, eyes still shining with tears. She knew that her attempts at getting him to stay would be futile, but at the same time she couldn't stop herself from trying. **"Annie…" **He started, catching on to where she was headed but his name had barely left his lips before she cut him off;** "I **_**need **_**you."** She reached out a pale and shaking hand to cup his face gently. Silence fell between them and she could see the conflict going on behind his eyes. He didn't want to leave her, he didn't want to ever leave her side again but at the same time he wanted a better world for her, he wanted her to be safe. He wanted a better future for _them_ if he made it out alive. He couldn't let other people do that for him whilst he stayed here. **"Don't leave me again." **

Some would call it emotional blackmail. But really? It was just Annie speaking her mind. She couldn't watch him walk away from her again not sure whether he would return or not. She'd already gone through it when he'd walked back into the arena and she wasn't sure she could get through it again. The not knowing. The idea that he could be so easily pulled away from her. That he could go somewhere she couldn't follow.

"**Don't do this, Annie."** He wasn't angry with her, he just didn't know what to do. He let himself fall heavily against the edge of the bed and his head dropped to his hands. Annie wanted to tell him that it was his own fault, that if he just stayed there with her then everything would be okay… but she couldn't bring herself to. She hated seeing him upset or confused. She loved him too much to see him in any kind of pain.

Reaching forward gingerly, she slid her hand underneath his chin and tilted his gaze gently so that his eyes met hers again. She didn't really know what to say to him, what did you say to the person you loved more than anything? What did you do when you knew that you had to say goodbye but you didn't want to? When you knew that this could be the last time you were going to see them? Perhaps it was just better to say nothing at all.

It only took a matter of seconds for her to sit lightly on his lap and for their arms to wrap around each other. There was no way that she could make him stay, and she wasn't going to spend the last few moments that they did have together; arguing. There was no stopping the tears that spilled from her eyes and rolled their way down her cheeks, dropping onto his shoulder. The way she held him perhaps too tightly, or the way that despite everything; she felt as if she was saying goodbye. **"I love you." **There was no way you could doubt it, not a single word of it. **"I love you more than anything."** She whispered again, her lips millimetres from his ear and she felt his grip on her tighten.

"**I love you too. More than you'll ever know."** It did feel like goodbye, and it broke her heart. She wanted to cling onto him and cry and scream and refuse to let go. For once in her life, however, Annie Cresta decided to be strong. She decided that if she was going to be strong for anyone then it would have to be him. **"Then promise me you'll come back."** She pulled away from him, both of them teary eyed and both of them knowing, deep down, the slim chance of him making it back alive. **"I promise."** It wasn't one that he meant, he couldn't promise her that he'd come back home. No one leaving for the Capitol that evening could, but he wanted to try. He wanted to try and make things better for her because that was what Finnick Odair did. He didn't hurt her or make her cry, he protected her and looked after her and kept all of the nightmares and evil at bay. Perhaps the fact that he knew he was the cause of her tears meant that he couldn't look at her much longer. Instead he pulled her close once more before he said it again no matter how empty it was. **"I promise."**

Only, of course, Finnick Odair never did come home.

She's not quite sure she could ever explain what it felt like when they told her. Perhaps it sounded cliché, but it really did feel like her world was crashing down around her. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, what could be more important than him? No one understood like her had, no one could hold her and make her feel safe like he could. No one got her silly jokes, or didn't mind when she stole all of the bed sheets. No one else could coax her away from the scenes that played out in front of her eyes or knew exactly how to make her laugh when she didn't want to.

No one understood Annie the way that Finnick had, and Annie Cresta wouldn't ever stop loving him until the day she died.

Sometimes the pain was bearable, like when they handed her their baby boy; with tufts of bronze hair so much like his father. Like when she moved back to district four and she could sit on the beach with the ocean lapping around her feet. Like when she saw old friends or when she was dragged from her bed by a four year old or a six year old or an eight year old.

But they were vastly outweighed by the times where the pain was excruciating.

The mornings where she forgot that he'd gone and she'd roll over to wish him good morning but his side of the bed was cold, just like it had been for many years. The mornings where he'd seemed so real in her dreams that remembering he was gone was just like hearing it for the first time. Every time the nightmares came back and his arms weren't there to comfort her. The amount of times that their son asked where his father was, and she had to try and explain to someone who could barely understand anything that he wasn't there anymore. Like that moment when she couldn't feel him around anymore.

Sometimes she felt like she was back in that arena just after the dam had broken, fully submerged under the water with no motivation to pull herself out.

Then she'd remember her promise all those years ago. She'd promised him that she'd survive. That she'd get through it. So she did, she got through it for him just like she always had. He might not have been there with her, but Annie Cresta was still living for _him._

_And somehow, she'd convinced herself that it was enough. _


End file.
